The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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