Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you didnt know i had herpes?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
