My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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