in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
