my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
