If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
