She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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