I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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