walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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