Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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