so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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