I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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