Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
