Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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