Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
