he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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