Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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