I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
