Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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