Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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