WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
