i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
