I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
whose parrot is this?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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