i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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