whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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