I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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