I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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