I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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