i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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