I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't turn off my feet"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
