I should be sponsored by Trojan
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I pour the whiskey from now on
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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