That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
