I could make wine with my vomit
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
