thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
