matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
