I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
