just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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