tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
