im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
