I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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