Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
