So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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