If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
