it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
