last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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