Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
