Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Porn is love you can see.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
