fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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