4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
