Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm having to shit out rocks
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