He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just pee around me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
