I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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