a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
