the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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