Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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