before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
