none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I would ride that face into the sunset
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
