You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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