I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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