the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
