Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
