is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
