Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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