pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
