Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
