Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
