Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
