my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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