My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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