U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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