you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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