God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize