i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize