wakey wakey hands off snakey
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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