the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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