I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
