'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
home. puking in laundry basket.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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