I'm pants shitting drunk right now
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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