I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
